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This Is A Story About Something I HAte.

(3)
Schlagzeug Jul 08, 2002 22:00 Read 157 times, Dig?
Fuck you! I hate some things. There is a little man inside of me that doesn't like to hate things. Actually, he's probbably bigger than that. But that's all conjecture; what I do know is that I generally try tnot to hate things, just dislike them severly. Hate is something that Yoda taught me I should not feel.

Of course, this is reality, and hate is a biological chemical etc. response. Therefore, I suppose I do hate some htings. IT's funny how easy it is to label certain things as objects of hate. My! Let's start categorizing things based oin the emotijons that they create for ourselves and generalize that on the public. It is fun! So bring your parka and prepare for my bullshit.

I hate the television! That is an abject lie, but we can preted! Yay! Why do I hate the television? Because it is the victom of so much lowest common denominator programming. For those of you who do not know what that means, turn off the TV you have in the background, go outside, and eat some more paint. I suppose paint eating is the norm in this society, but then again, who the hell am I to judge your retarded little monkey brain.

Of course, I have an equally retarted simian cerrebellum, and therefore occasionally purvey the tube. I especially enjoy naked sex monky fun! Ah yes. But at the same time, I am administering punishment to my loins while doing so, in order to create a negative reation should I be so tempted in the future to not 'kill my television', and instead eat popcorn yummy treats.

Oh, and if you DO own a 'kjill you television' bumperstiker, and you DO watch television like everyone else, at this time I would request that you consume five pounds of table salt, drink a gallon of water, and tell me what your urine smells like. You won't, of course, because you don't do what you profess to be the wisdom of the age. So shut up, now.

Movies are good, and are exempt from the negative television attitude, with the noted disclaimer that they are not in fact referred to as 'movies', but instead as 'films'. MAke sure you send yourself a memo later. Shut up.

So what are we supposed to be doing with our time instead of carousing the channel corral down at the AT&T boob ranch? HMMM!! I have several ideas, but I will not waste your or my time explaining what life really is. Of course, if you've read all the way down to this, paragraph number 6, you probably do not fall into the catagory of life-challenged (note: see Oxford Definitions for 'Video Gamer, Role-Player, and Renesaine-Fair Go-er'), and I'm therefore below you for having admitted my co-dependant relationship with beforesaid TV.

So this entire article was either not read byu you, as it was not fed propperly by some 20-year old actor/tress with far too few clothes / braincells on a color corrected script written primetime reality, or you are intelligent enough to acknowledge this as a far too run on sentence and are now no longer willing to read anything further that I might have to attempt to say on this subject.

So I can NOW say whatever the fuck I want to, because no one is reading it! YAY! I can pretty much boil down everything to one simple rule: if you are watching television, and you feel something wet on your shirt that is not from someone else, you are drooling, so move your body to prevent decomposition. Thank you.
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Comments from other users:

  • "Fuck!" - ephidryn
  • "Tubaphobe." - frosty
This story was written by Schlagzeug and has been brought you you by the letters H and U.
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