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Surreal

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Greengirl Nov 01, 2003 12:49 Read 78 times, Dig?
I'm usually the one that's plastered. 

It's funny to me that being sober surrounded by people that are seriously fucked up on whatever their drug of choice may be (alcohol, pot, etc.) is such a surreal and unenjoyable experience for me.  I mean, at times it is extremely amusing and entertaining, but at other times it's simply annoying.  And at still other times it's altogether scary.  Sweet liquer (however you spell it, you know I'm talking about the juice of the gods)!!  I missed it last night, but I have no regrets.  What a strange, strange evening.  It is times like those when I am overwhelmed by that sense of lonliness.  Funny how that works out as well... could be by myself and feel perfectly at peace, but then surrounded by tons of beautiful people and feel completely alone.  I don't get it, well, I do... but humans always have to make everything so complicated, don't we?  Late nights, crazy nights, good nights, bad nights, loud nights, obnoxious nights, drunken nights, lonely nights.  I think a good movie, with some good food, and some warm blankets to cuddle up in sounds really good right now.  I guess it would be really nice to share those blankets with some big, warm arms as well, wrapped around me snuggly.  Just once I want it to be genuine.  Can I have more than the physical please?  Can you care, actually care about me this time?  Can you see more than just a body, and embrace a mind and soul within that body as well?
 
Sometimes it's really difficult to truly take a look at yourself and reflect on how you portray yourself and the things you've done.  Self-criticism seems to get me down a lot.  And actions speak louder than words.  I may say a lot of things, but God, just look at what I fucking do... it's all bullshit, and perhaps I'm not as innocent and naive as I speak that I am.  And perhaps I am not who I say I am or who I want to be.  But why does it have to be anything more than bullshit?  It doesn't... I'm just getting kind of tired of the bullshit, that's all.  Oh well... life is good, life is beautiful.  I have nothing to complain about at all.
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Comments from other users:

  • "i dreamt about drinking a beer last night." - ephidryn
This story was written by Greengirl and has been brought you you by the letters B and J.
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