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f o u r - s e n t e n c e s - t h a t - i - i n t e r p r e t - a s - h a v i n g - s o - m u c h - m e a n i n g

(3)
ephidryn Feb 04, 2003 21:39 Read 175 times, Dig?
"you scare the shit out of me. you are going to waste your life away and die before you get it. that sux. i'm happy you can speak spanish."

i read it and my stomach turned. i instantly demanded clarification. which i don't think i really want. it sums up what i fear in my heart is true but don't want to talk about. and they just typed it up and chucked it through cyberspace to melt on my brain.

life is weird. i sleep during the day. i worry sometimes that i won't make the right choices while i wait out my anxiety. i still twitch and tinge. i am not content having fun anymore. the only thing that comforts me is drinking liters of redbull and chain smoking. i want to fast and stop smoking for a week, but for some reason i never start or i decide to start and then i forget. i want to get rid of my frantic thought process and my short lived, all over the place,  attention focusing abilities. i want to stop my extremist tendencies. i want to stop laughing at everything even if it's not really funny. i want to make music. i want to write software that people will use. i want to be able to sit down and concentrate for 4 fucking hours on one thing.

this is gonna take a while...


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Comments from other users:

  • "you do get it, or you wouldn't be bothered. everything comes in its own time. there is no need to rush who you are. you can never live up to the "potential" someone else once saw in you. a cage to unlock." - fluxarcanum
  • "g. stop it. if living the way you live is considering wasting away your life, the by it's own definition, there's nothing to waste. the road of excess leads to the path of wisdom. you know that." - religious icon
  • "You describe your experience of anxiety vividly enough it's hard to breathe.Give up your interpretation that there is something wrong.Time has sped up it seems. Hmmm." - Manohar
  • "Yeah! Stop laughing at my jokes when they're not funny, you bastard!" - squid
This story was written by ephidryn and has been brought you you by the letters B and Q.
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